The argument that your child won't be successful if you encourage their efforts in an activity that happen to suck at (a common belief by Em's commentors) is totally unfounded. Sure, every parent wants their child to experience success, however, talent does not determine success. Some believe practice and commitment create success. Others believe success is in finding your life's passion and never letting go of it... no matter how many people (including your own mum) tell you that "you suck" at it.
How many of us adults who are talent-less, yet passionate weekend warriors participate in triathlons, footy games, theatre performances ... you get my drift.. throughout the year? How many people who are not talented runners choose to show up to their local Park Run every Sunday, in spite of the fact that they don't win the race. Some choose to WALK the Park Run. This is because these people understand that success is in the JOY of participation... not in how talented you happen to be.
Now, I'm not perfect a perfect parent. I struggle everyday with knowing whether or not I'm doing the right thing... am I'm pushing enough, or maybe too much? I always second-guess my advice when my kids come to me with a problem. However, something that has not once crossed my mind is the possibility that I should spend more time informing my child "when they suck at something". Clearly plenty of parents out there may be second-guessing themselves and I would hate for Em's misguided post to influence even one parent.
Em's proud description of the most recent time she informed her daughter just how much she "sucked", was pretty shocking to me. However, it was the mob of beat-em-down parents who jumped on the comments bandwagon with their similar parenting goals - insisting their child must be informed if they are not talented at something - that really floored me. Really? So when you mums and dads are on your way out of this weird old world we live in, you're going to be lying there, thinking to yourself... "yep, so pleased I let my kids know when they sucked, each and every time they sucked, because if there's one thing I want my children to remember me by, it is my never-failing commitment to being their ever-present suck-o-meter. So glad they knew their talents were defined by MY judgement. So pleased this probably helped them give up on those activities they enjoyed but actually really sucked at. Imagine if I'd taught them to embrace the sense of joy in performing or singing or painting or acting (or whatever it was they really loved, but sucked at - can't remember now)... regardless of their ability. God, they might've spent their life doing something they really sucked at... sure they might've enjoyed it, but there's no success (for me as their mum) in my child doing something for their own selfish enjoyment. Success (for me) only comes when my child is the best. No need for them to have discovered the value in simply enjoying their art/sport/work/life's passion, regardless of their abilities (that were defined by me). Nope. Phew! Job done."
Sheesh!!! Like I say... not a parenting expert, but I think it's pretty common knowledge that our kids don't remember every smile and hug, but they sure as hell remember the "... you really sucked!" comments.
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